December 22, 2020 by Labrys
To say good-bye, that is. I am a small fish and the internet is a big sea where I can actually swim away to where I want to go to do what I want to do or say what I really feel unencumbered by threats. I was always the fighter-sort who thought she had to stand her ground no matter what, you see? Otherwise, it was some sort of personal defect or loss of honesty. But over the last couple years, I’ve come to realize that life does impose losses one could not predict. The fault is never all on one side or the other, although it rarely falls 50/50 either.
But to stay in a reminder of misery is merely stupid. It can be a sign you are still living in and protecting something that is not your own fear or secret – being held hostage sub-rosa? When I re-named this blog (a naming that will expire when I don’t pay for the domain name again), I set in motion my own freeing because I psychologically acknowledged my entrapment and captivity to a situation.
I have deleted other blogs, usually when in the depths of a personal crisis or depression. It was always as if I was killing parts of myself so that what remained could go on functioning. This walking away is not like that, this is an excision – a scarring left behind as I go somewhere more healing and less fraught with emotional baggage.
I shall miss those few readers who stayed with me over several years of platform moves and such. But since the internet IS a place of uncertainty of identity? I cannot say where I will be, who I will be, can I? Or my captivity follows me – and I am saying farewell today because I intend to celebrate the rest of our Yule holiday in FREEDOM from all that.
May your holidays be warm with love, may your New Year be brighter – mine is already! (Eventually, this may all be deleted and gone. Freedom….and all that.)